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I'm bored and my lasagna isn't done.

If I were a month, I’d be October

If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday.

If I were a time of day, I’d be 9:30.

If I were a planet, I’d be not a planet at all.

If I were a sea animal, I’d be a dugong megamouth shark (megachasma pelagios).

If I were a direction, I’d be North.

If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a spinny office chair.

If I were a liquid, I’d be a raspberry-apple vitamin water.

If I were a gemstone, I’d be a swiss blue topaz.

If I were a tree, I’d be a sumac.

If I were a tool, I’d be nail clippers.

If I were a flower, I’d be a dandelion.

If I were a kind of weather, I’d be slightly sunny with light flurries.

If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a dugong an overturned bucket.

If I were a color, I’d be dark purple.

If I were an emotion, I’d be confusion.

If I were a fruit, I’d be a pomegranate.

If I were a sound, I’d be a caCHUNK.

If I were an element, I’d be sodium.

If I were a car, I’d be a yellow volkswagen beetle.

If I were a food, I’d be lemon bars or salt and vinegar chips but not at the same time because that would probably make you barf especially if you love lemon bars as much as I do and likewise lack restraint when it comes to said delicious noms.

If I were a place, I’d be Armoury St. or the stacks in Scott Library.

If I were a material, I’d be a lime corduroy.

If I were a taste, I’d taste like licorice.

If I were a scent, I’d be ginger and oranges.

If I were an animal, I’d be a dugong a pigeon.

If I were an object, I’d be a paperclip.

If I were a body part, I’d be an earlobe.

If I were a facial expression, I’d be a raised eyebrow.

If I were a song, I’d be Wild Horses by the Stones <3

If I were a pair of shoes, I'd be pointy black flats.

General coat-related flailing

 I want to make a coat and I am aware that I don't currently have the skill level to do so. But one of my favourite things is planning shit that I don't have the resources to accomplish. I was thinking last night that I would be an excellent event planner. You know, I plot and plan and other people do the socializing and I make money. I'd probably get bored though.

Anyways. The point is that I need/want to brainstorm the kind of coat I eventually want to make. I am stalking the Great Coat Sewalong and it is very helpful with tips on stuff.

I am very partial to longer coats of the trenchy variety but I already have 2, one light and one warmer. So I'm looking for something different. I want it to be in an interesting colour/pattern, too. The fiance wants me to make Zooey Deschanel's coat from the movie Yes Man, which is sort of a navy blue peacoat with big gold buttons and red piping. I don't know, maybe. I feel weird making a "Zooey Deschanel Coat" which is idiotic because I don't feel weird owning a "Blue Buffy Would Totally Wear This Because It Is Like That Thing She Wore In Season 1 In That Episode, You Know, The One That I Can't Remember The Name Of". 

I like:

Burda 8022, in the shorter view C.
Butterick 5145, if I could take the cute collar from view E and put it on the shorter + interesting pockets view B. I like pockets and I was going to do those inseam ones anyways if the pattern didn't have them. Are they called inseam pockets? I forget but it doesn't matter because I, at least, know what I mean by this and that's the important thing.
McCall's  5513 I am trying not to care that this is called the "Hilary Duff Coat" because I think it's really cute what with the buttons and the appliqué and whatnot. I worry that it would make me look fat, though.
McCall's 5525 I CAN'T HELP IT, OK. STOP LAUGHING AT ME BECAUSE I SAID NO TRENCHINESS. I AM AWARE THAT I SAID THAT BUT THIS ONE IS REALLY CUTE OKAY AND IF I MADE IT IN TURQUOISE WITH A YELLOW LINING IT WOULD BE PRETTY OK SO SHUT UP. I think I would feel less ashamed if I made view C which is shorter and still very cute.
Vogue 2873, Michael Kors peacoat! I think this one is really pretty. I HATEHATEHATE the pants pattern that comes with these, I would look fat and frumpy in them. Fiancé thinks this would make a passable Zooey Deschanel Coat, although it's a bit shorter. 
Vogue 2884 would make a nice raincoat if I added a hood, which is something sort of related that I eventually want to make. I have always hated raincoats, but I was thinking a looser type of raincoat with a nice hood would be nice because I hate getting wet almost as much as I hate raincoats, which I hate because I associate them with spiders hiding inside, which is a long story.
Vogue 2988 again if I added a hood would make a nice raincoat. I also like the top and dress so buying this set of patterns doesn't have to feel ridiculous,
Vogue 8299 I like the asymmetrical collar and the off-centre buttons.
Vogue 8480 I LOVE THIS. I think it's adorable. it's very cute and I think I could use it for both the coats I would eventually like to make. I would probably want to add a lining to it, and I wonder if making the sleeves longer is a possibility. I like it with the cropped sleeves too, though, as a spring/fall coat.

I think Vogue 8480 is the one I want most atm.


Other ideas are the previously mentioned Lade Grey coat, and things like these, although I would never buy from Modcloth again because they're pretentious douches and their products are absolute shit:
www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Outerwear/Coats/Fishing+for+Crop+liments+Jacketwww.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Outerwear/Second+Glance+Coat
www.shopplasticland.com/fashion/p/P00209603.htmlwww.shopplasticland.com/fashion/p/P00504603.html
www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Shorty+Wanna+Jacketwww.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Outerwear/Secret+Mission+Jacket
Here be a list of 10 sewing goals for me to complete over the next year, because I'm hoping if I write them down I'll feel more accountable to meet them.

1) Sexy awesome glamorous party "look better than the bride" (I'm so awful) dress for the wedding of my fiance's creepy serial killer cousin and his tramp-stamped snarky... Snark. I'm thinking Vogue 1102, in black or red. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET when I worry that our wedding dates are going to fall close together and that I'm obligated to pull your hair, but afraid to do so because I worry about your ginormous tramp stamp being some sort of Klingon tribal emblem.
2) Comfy yet cute dress for everyday wear. Thinking Butterick 5456 in a nice cheery print that would be cute under a cardi.
3) Professional/chic dress to make me look like an adult that I can wear to work-type things. Thinking view A or B of Butterick 5314 in a neutral coloured fabric like maybe something gray and pinstripey. Nomnomnom.
4) CARDIGAN GOODNESS. This is the obligatory can-do item that I can satisfy by adding new buttons and/or nifty trim and embellishment to a cardi or by actually learning how to make one.
5) Straight skirt in both neutral fabric (see #3) and a crazy fun print.
6) Cute flared skirt, possibly with pleats for further adorableness.
7) Priest robe, the only thing my dear fiance asked for. I can't say no to that! Ideally complete by October (cringe) so he can wear it on Halloween. I have Butterick 6844 for this.
8) PJs for my lovely fiance, because he has such a hard time finding ones that are long enough while not being large enough at the waist to accommodate 2 of him.
9) Cape and dress for my Halloween costume!
10) Jacket/coat, lined for warmth and painfully awesome. I do not have a pattern for this yet. Must be a Statement Coat in a neat colour with an interesting lining. Best candidate so far is the Lady Grey coat from Colette Patterns, which I didn't initially like, but became obsessed with after seeing it on Tasia of Sewaholic who btw has really pretty hair that reminds me half my hair is dead and I need to get it cut.

Hopefully learning to sew a straight line goes well! My machine should be here next week. Fingers crossed.

PATTERN ORGY ZOMG.

 

I BOUGHT PATTERNS TODAY. OMG.


My first pattern-hoarding excursion, because all Butterick patterns @ Fabricland are on sale until tomorrow! Woo. I am very excited. I can't fucking wait until I have my sewing machine.



Butterick 5314



Butterick 4443



Butterick 5456



Butterick 5317



Butterick 5498


 


 


And to reward my lovely fiance for helping me choose, Butterick 6844 for Halloween.



 


There were more I wanted, but I couldn't justify hitting up the sales for the other pattern companies if I spent more than this. Teehee. 



I meant to post this shortly after the cake was done but I was too tired and my cat was acting strangely so it was just not happening. Anywho, the cake didn't really rise much at all but it still covered the pan enough. Next time I would definitely put the effort into hunting for my 9inch pan because then the cake layer wouldn't be so thin. The cake part was fantastic and I would so difinitely make it again. It was light, but chewy, with the perfect lemon flavour- rich and tangy but not too sweet or sour. Even the colour was pretty, and sweet jesus how amazing it smelled. I don't think I've ever baked anything that smelled this amazing in my life.

The downside? Blackberries do not work. This cake requires a firm fruit. The blackberries sort of melted with the caramel topping into a pool of delicious, crazysweet, delicious goo. But I couldn't flip the cake out of the pan because there was just too much liquid and it wouldn't set no matter what I tried.

When the fiance and I first took our tentative nibbles at the cake shortly after it emerged from the oven, we were... Disgusted. It was WAY too sweet- the sweetness overpowered everything else, even the lemony caek, and made us both want to retch. But after letting it settle on a counter overnight, it became orgasmic! I figure the syrupy bottom absorbed into the cake a little. It was much less sweet, although still very not diabetic friendly. Hehe.

So would I make this again? Absolutely. I plan on making it as soon as I have money to buy more fruit. I think if I used a firmer fruit (apple, apricot, peach, nectarine?) this would work fantastically and it would actually look pretty. The cake part was simply orgasmic. And my guesteses? They loooved it even as ugly as it was.


Finished caek in the pan. See how ugly? Also it was dark in my kitchen because it was 5AM and please ignore the dirtiness of my new stove Dx


That looks more appetizing. Light=good. And I TOLD YOU  it was tasty. I did.

Delicious Caek pt. I

I just popped this cake into the oven and I think if I have managed to bugger it up I will literally kill myself. I'm not normally a bowl licker because when I was a kid my mom told me doing so was a 100% surefire guarantee of salmonella, but jesus fuck it was so tasty I licked the bowl clean. It smelled amazing before even going in the oven... Perhaps I should explain the reasons for my fear...
It's sort of that cake. I kind of changed a lot... My 9inch square pan is yet to be found (...moving...) and my round one looked too shallow, so I ended up using a 12inch pan instead. Also I used blackberries instead of cherries (WHY ARE CHERRIES $8 A POUND?) and I DO NOT OWN A PROPER ZESTER so my lemon zest is in little chunks instead of pretty and slender curls. Zesting lemons by hand is dicks because I am lazy and my hand is shaky, plus I have all these little cuts on my hands from irritable rapist cat so... Lemon juice is no fun. Also I had to double the caramel topping to get it to cover the base of my pan. There was -barely- enough batter to cover the berries. I am currently praying to Raptor Jesus that the cake will rise enough to look pretty for our lovely guest type persons tomorrow.

We shall see.
Today I get to try on my wedding dress again. WOO. I am wearing my sticky boobs that I bought with my darling mother in law. THEY ARE AWFUL. They're pretty uncomfortable and they actually make my boobs look flatter. I'm already an A cup so I didn't think that was even possible, but what do I know. They are not made to fit the shape of my boobs at all. They also DO NOT WORK for lopsided boobs. Which is retarded as most women have lopsided boobs. I think they would be perfect for somebody who wears a B cup given their shape.
So. This is clearly not my wedding dress solution, as I would like to look like I have boobs of some sort. I look like a 12 year old boy.  I am disappoint.

Writer's Block: Will he or won't he?

Do you believe the groundhog can accurately sense the approach of spring? Even if you don't buy it, are you happy when the little guy doesn't see his shadow?

I have a highly irrational hatred of groundhogs and have never understood why anyone cares about them (particularly because people don't think of them as anything other than pests during the rest  of the year). One ate my bean plant when I was 5. I was so damn proud of that bean plant. I had named it Charlie.
Fucking groundhogs.

HURR.